My thoughts on Australia

How’s things? I guess you have realised that I’m back from my travels round the south and west of Australia and I’ve got some things to say. I spent a great deal of my time outside NSW thinking about stuff that I’d not really covered before in this Blog. Here follows an observational account of what a foreigner may find unnerving or interesting about Australia.

Firstly there is the chat about distance. If Australia was in the middle of the Atlantic there would be about 2 billion people living here. Unfortunately it’s in the middle of nowhere – and the country is massive. I find that the distances here are so difficult. Were I in Europe I could spent 4 hours in a plane and find myself in Moscow or Morroco but in Oz I still find that 4 hours doesn’t even take me outside the country. That also means that I’m thousands of miles away from my friends and family and more importantly, the rest of Europe.

That also has a real issue when it comes to Skiing. The ski resorts here are rubbish in the same vein of Scotlands Ski destinations. Japan is relatively close but still a 8 hour flight away and the skiing in NZ is hardly worth crossing the Tasmin. So if you decide to stay in Australia then don’t expect to be riding the powder or bashing the moguls any time soon. In fact, this is the longest that I’ve gone without a trip to a resort in 12 years.

The next tine that I find remarkable here is the outdoor life-style. People are able to predict the weather fairly accurately here and that means that a Barbie next Monday says a Barbie next Monday. This also leads to the fact that there is a great emphasis on the Al Fresco style of life and the produce here is amazingly fresh (even though the lack of artificial preservatives causes your average apple to become rotten within about a day).

Coupled to this the Australians love their sport. They rule in AFL, rugby league and union, swimming and they are not too bad at soccer, netball, beach volley ball and hockey. However, this also means that the national cancer of Australia is melanoma and that’s a bloody shame, Mind you – would you rather a lifetime at the beach and skin cancer or a lifetime of deep fried pizzas, cigarettes and Buckfast followed by a heart attack and bowel cancer? In all honesty I think I’d opt for the Aussie way.

Moving on I find that there is some major weirdness with the cities here. It’s kinda hard to describe but I think that it goes a bit like this… Somehow I feel that I’m safe in the cities here – I’d walk all over Sydney without even feeling the remotest bit endangered. However, leaving the city and going into the outback or simply suburbia inspires a major amount of terror. In Glasgow I’m always looking over my shoulder but when I visit the folks or go on a day trip to the Highlands I never feel worried or threatened. Strange that it’s the reverse here – and I’ve not even watched Wolf Creek yet. I think that it’s because there is no such thing as council housing here and therefore if you want to live in the city then you have to be able to afford it unlike home where I paid a ton of cash for my flat and yet I share the street with about 50 council flats full of non-tax-paying benefit leeches who get their houses (in an area of prime real estate) for free.

There are some very cool attitudes in Australia and the most noticeable are the indomitable Aussie Spirit and the ”Fair Go” mind set that all Australians hold dear. They are brilliant to see in action and it comes across that everyone here is a mate and they all seem to know each other. It’s almost like everyone went to school together.

As well as the attitudes there is a load of verbal mannerisms here that I find myself deliberately avoiding. They include “how you going?” “Beautiful” “I’m so over it” “That’s exactly right” and “I’m across it”. Mind you I guess these pale in comparison to what Australians would have to put up with if they spent a year in Glasgow – “Haw, bawbag!” “Minging” “Mon tae F£$%” etc.

The final thing I’ve noticed (or not noticed) is the Aboriginal culture here. I’m told it exists but I’ve not seen any aboriginals here with the exception of a group of young lads on a train in Perth being ironically racist to a group of middle aged Chinese people. It’s like Australia’s dirty little secret and it’s hidden from everyone. They are one of the most ancient people in the world yet every part of their beliefs and culture has been destroyed by the arrival of the white man. Recently the Australian Government has implemented alcohol bans and child health checks in the Northern Territory aboriginal towns. These have been met with major resistance and town elders have been telling the locals that “the police are coming to take your children away” which of course isn’t the case. I think it’s similar to the problems with the Native Americans in the USA and a lot of it stems from booze and the inability to adapt (or lack of desire to adapt) to the “modern” world. I would ask someone about it but as I said I’ve not met a single aboriginal since we arrived except those louts on the train – who incidentally thought I was aboriginal and kept calling me “Old School”.

So that’s some thoughts so far. I’m sure I’m sure I’ll have more before I leave here.